The big Jane Austen recap

I'm pulling this from comments and starting it here because it's too good.

Marjorie said:

So did you guys manage to also fit in Masterpiece Theater's presentation of Jane Austen's Persuasion last night? We were surprised at how well they condensed the book into 90 minutes. But still, I much prefer the 1995 BBC version.

Maggie said:

You remain my Jane Austen liaison, Marjorie. She and I don't like each other without you there to facilitate.

Mikaela said:

I'm a Jane Austen convert because of Marjorie.

And I kinda admit that watching the movies, even the bad ones, has helped me like the books .

I feel like a high school English cheater!

Maggie, you've got to go to the PBS Masterpiece Theater webpage for its complete Austen works, where you can choose among the "Austen men" after seeing their stats -- income, turn ons, turn offs, etc. Hilarious!

Even better, the guys who are currently the most popular are all the Austen loser guys! It's fantastic.

And now I say:

Okay, The Men of Austen is SO much fun. You are so right, Mikaela! I feel I'm at a major disadvantage without knowing who any of these men are in the books, though. I'll probably pick someone outlandishly embarrassing. Yikes.

Hottest: The dark and handsome brooder Frederick Tilney, but he sounds completely obnoxious. So I would probably go for him.

Problems: The ones I like are too young or devout. Edward Ferrars, Henry Tilney, and Edmund Bertram's affiliations with the clergy indicate that we would be a disastrous match. Same with Frederick Wentworth's military career.

Pluses: The excellent humor of Tom Bertram, who states his income as "a bit unsettled at present" and finds weddings a "turn-off"

Matty!: John Thorpe looks just like Matt Damon! This is exciting because I have a crush on Matt Damon, who is currently titillating, I mean educating, me in the car reading Howard Zinn on CD. But, you know, I'm listening for Howard Zinn's words, not Matt Damon's voice... Promise. ;-)

Best overall: John Willoughby, maybe? Who is this guy?! He's my fave overall. Or do I just go with John Thorpe so I can pretend it's Matt?

Best item to carry forward: The use of "Byronic" as an adjective, per the self-description of the hot Frederick Tilney

Hot, Funny Men -- Here for you 'til February

Mikaela says:

Cows

marjorie says...

Being a girl from a land of cows and tar roads, the news this morning (BREAKING NEWS no less) is killing me. The funny part? It required Animal Control to be called!

Regis Philbin Glimpses Left

Mikaela says:
I haven't been so amused in a while. Democracy Now is such a mainstay source of my daily news that I barely remember a time before... B.A.G. -- before Amy Goodman.

But when the Iraq War was threatening, I'd wait all day for the show to come on and then huddle around the radio like I imagined people did for WWII... She had me at "protest."

Regis Phillbin discovered Amy Goodman at a dinner party hosted by Phil Donahue & Marlo Thomas! To his eventual horror, he was seated next to Amy, and when he turned to her and asked politely what she did for a living, she answered, “We cover global events.”

Here's him sharing his discovery with co-star, Kelly on their version of a daily talk show:

REGIS: Well, now, excuse me, but what am I going to have in common with someone who covers global news?

KELLY: [sarcastic] What is the global news?

REGIS: The beautiful baby contest? That ain’t going to do it! Santa Claus getting pawed? No! I’ve got nothing in common.

KELLY: Yes. I know what you’re saying. I’ve been there. I’ve been in that anxiety situation, where you realize that you are the weak link at the table...

REGIS: You may be better known than anyone else, because they see you every day on television, but what have we got to say? Nothing.

KELLY: Nothing.

REGIS: We’ve got nothing to say. "So, what do you do?" We talk about nothing.

KELLY: Mm-hmm. And then it’s sweet, though, because like heady people who are very accomplished—

REGIS: Very smart, very sharp.

KELLY:—they’re very good at like, you know, sounding interested, or like, “Well, it must be fascinating, what you’re doing.” I’m like, “It’s very fun. We had hot toys on yesterday. And then, today we’re going to make our own shirts out of waste.”

REGIS: You’re absolutely right. You realize then—

KELLY: You’re lacking contribution.

REGIS:—what you are doing? You’re doing nothing!

KELLY: Nothing! Gosh, how can you stand us? [To audience.]

REGIS: It’s just so sad. It really is. Anyway—

You really have to watch the whole reported exchange here. It's very funny. And classic.



But after you watch it, you realize they have a huge number of viewers, combined with the huge viewer-ship (is that a word?) of other shows just like it -- vacuous, fluffy, oblivious shows about ... nothing. And then there's Amy Goodman with a steadily growing but still small in comparison listener-ship, on "one of the PBS stations" as Regis points out off-handedly. And you think ... what is wrong with this picture?

People just really don't want to know. Even my boss the other day wished that there were no global news so that we didn't have to be depressed about all the horrible things happening around the world. I said, "Being depressed is the least we can do in exchange for the relative comfort and luxury that we take for granted every day. It's our responsibility to bear witness." What I didn't say is that going one step further -- doing something about what happens -- is the really courageous act that some of us sacrifice and some of us are privileged enough to do.

And then there's Regis & Kelly, raking in the bucks, momentarily embarrassed that their whole lives "contribute nothing." Oy.

Humps indeed

Maggie sighs:
Some days, only Alanis can make it all better.

Know what I'm saying?

Student Loans - Too little, who cares?

Mikaela says:
The Onion once again nailed with humor the bottom line on Congress' recent efforts to cut the student loan interest rate.

Georgia Cummings, Systems Analyst
"But the only excitement I have in my life is the cat-and-mouse game I play with my student loan officer."

Jeffrey Cain, Referee
"I can't wait to tell my loan officer that I'll be paying back my loan two weeks earlier than my previously stated goal date of never."

Robert Loehman, Body Piercer
"As this will inevitably entice many to purchase more education than they can afford, please let me know when I can buy one of those fancy educated brains at foreclosure."

What aggravates me about the student loan rate cut is this:

Congress gets credit for doing something about making education more affordable without actually doing anything to make education more affordable.

I don't know about you, but I'm on the 30 year payback plan. Basically I have a house mortgage supporting my education to date. Like a little tick sucking my lifeblood every month, the government will take a little from my every paycheck for the rest of my earning career. That's just the way it is. Over the next 30 years, a cut to the interest rate will save me around $4,000. That's $4,000 over the next 30 years, or approximately $11 a month.

Now, maybe this interest rate cut will actually persuade those who might not otherwise consider taking out a loan that it's okay. Somehow, I doubt it. Those who wouldn't consider borrowing when the interest rate is 6% probably won't if the interest rate is 3% either. Some people, bless them, just don't like borrowing money in an official capacity.

From my perspective, student loans are already a blessing. What I'd like to see is the government stop trying to pawn the loans to private banks. Maybe it's not as sinister as it seems, but ... there's something not quite right about it. I prefer to have my loans held by good ole Uncle Sam. As long as my student loan interest rate is lower than the one I could get for a car or at just any ole bank, I'm a happy borrower - for the rest of my life.

I think Congress should focus its efforts and political capital on the real education issues: giving grants and subsidized loans to those who really can't afford college, as well as making sure that public education at all levels prepares students -- particularly minorities whom our current system fails to serve -- to succeed in college. Now that might make a difference.

Those Pesky Royals

marjorie says...

Sometimes I stumble across a news article that throws me into commentary overload, not to mention one chuckle after another. Such was this article about the British royals visit to Philadelphia. Prince Charles was in Philadelphia for a visit before going to NYC to accept an environmental award.

"My ancestor fought with Washington in the revolutionary war," said Sarah Mitchell, 56, who came by the International House in West Philadelphia Saturday afternoon before the royals were supposed to make a visit. "So we fought against the British. I'm probably not going to stay."

Thanks, Sarah Mitchell, for making me laugh. Those sorry Brits! Well, the fact is, if we refused to be in the same room with people from every country we've either out right fought with or just militarily intervened in, we wouldn't have too many friends...would we?

"The prince has been under attack by environmentalists in Britain for flying over here to receive the award - and reserving the entire first-class section of a plane for his entourage - given that he has pledged to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide caused by his travels.

"British environmental activist Joss Garman told London newspaper The Independent: 'If the prince was serious about dealing with carbon emissions, he wouldn't be flying all that way to receive an award for environmentalism in the first place. It is a form of eco-insanity to expend so much energy for such meagre reasons.'"

This one made me laugh at the same time I couldn't help but acknowledge how completely right on this fellow is. Individual actions don't make real change, only collective actions do. So this guy comes across as rather petty. But at the same time, he's completely right. It's absurd that there's a class of people that just hop on these metal contraptions and fly around the globe to congratulate one another.

"We came to see the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall and kind of got stuck," said Donna Mitchell, 33, of Florence, Ala., who was in Philly for the weekend with her husband. "We might as well [stay]. We've got a cousin that grew up in Britain, so we'll send the pictures to her."

That's the spirit Donna! It all works out in the end!

"Inside at the Liberty Bell, fifth-graders from the Loesche School, in Northeast Philadelphia, worked on projects for Charles and Camilla to observe.

"Their teacher, Susan Anmuth, said the class had been learning about the monarchy.

"We've been working for two weeks," she said.

"They still have trouble understanding he's prince just because his mother's the queen."

Well, Susan, just give the Bush analogy.

"Over at the Constitution Center, Philly's elite gathered, garbed in fur wraps and big hats, for a lunchtime reception."

See, class? We have them too.

"The royal couple's Saturday fashion choices were conservative, but elegant. Camilla spent the day in a brown tweed fur-trimmed coat over a periwinkle cashmere dress, and changed into a long brown velvet dress at night.

"Charles wore a navy double breasted coat and blue double-breasted suit with a red, blue and gold tie for day, and wore a white tie and tails with an assortment of military medals at night."

And of course I had to wait until the very end practically to get to the real information.

"I would imagine it had to be a difficult day for him," said radio personality Jerry Blavat, who met Charles at the Academy."

I imagine it was! It's not everyday you have to eat two hundred year old crow. But something tells me it was all very collegial crow.

Ummm... No.

Maggie says:
Sorry Journal, but Jennifer Wilbanks is no "wide-eyed ingenue." And make no mistake, the proposed Runaway Bride "rock opera" is not likely to be too friendly to the Duke City.

Can you imagine the horrific set design meant to capture an "authentic New Mexican" look? Perhaps a blessing that they're taking the hometown angle on this one...

I do, however, applaud the Journal for the "Waiting for Guffman" reference.

Bush Tries the Same New Thing All Over Again

Pat Oliphant says:
Jay Leno says:

"President Bush is expected to announce that he is now sending more troops to Iraq -- despite the fact that his generals, his military analysts, members of Congress and most of the American people are against the idea. The reason he is doing it? To give Iraq a government that responds to the will of the people."

A pointless exercise in reading my mind

Maggie says:
How bad is it that I've been gone for a month, and in that month been writing, reading, and engaging more than ever... just not on m-pyre? In a half-hearted attempt to jumpstart my blogging self again, here's a fun quiz* for a Tuesday afternoon.

Maggie's been hanging out at City Council meetings a lot because:
A) She has a huge crush on Craig Loy
B) It's the best comedy in town
C) She's a nerd in her job and her personal life

The best dinner party conversation Maggie recently had was:
A) The Wild Oats on Carlisle is the best place to get picked up in town
B) "Here here!" to divorce... and "Congratulations, newly engaged couple!" in the same breath
C) Little-known uses for Pop Rocks

Maggie's current opinion of Mayor Martin Chavez involves:
A) No change: Man is crazy!
B) Improvement: Man has vision!
C) Downward spiraling: Man is worse than I thought!

Which lyric from Damien Rice's "Accidental Babies" does Maggie find most haunting?
A) "Does he drive you wild, or just mildly free?"
B) "Is he dark enough to see your light?"
C) "Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?"

Maggie believes that a modern streetcar in Albuquerque would:
A) Be a much-needed first step to get people out of their cars in this *(#@!$ town
B) Be the spine of a balanced transit system in town
C) Help her get back and forth to Nob Hill bars a lot easier

How many Ms are in love?
A) None of us; we're too smart for that
B) All of us; we're too smart not to be
C) Some of us; it depends on our mood

Who does Maggie like for the Dems in '08?
A) John Edwards
B) Barack Obama
C) Dennis Kucinich

What does 2007 have on tap for the Ms?
A) Whatever Eric Francis says
B) Marriage, babies, and moves
C) Starting a commune (as soon as we can come up with a catchy M name for it)

Why should ABQ brace itself tonight?
A) Marjorie will be eating meat
B) The Journal editorial staff is resigning en masse
C) There'll be a Girls Night happening at a bar near you... ;-)

*Since planners are subjective, of course there's never one right answer... sometimes all these choices are true, and sometimes none of them are. We're obnoxious like that.

Wake Up Call, Paging Bush Sr. (re: Jr): What the World Thinks (Because of How We Think)

Mikaela re-posts:
Democracy Now reports:

Bush Sr. Lecture Audience Cheers Criticism of President
Former President George Bush Senior got into a verbal confrontation with a student audience in Abu Dhabi Tuesday after several people criticized his son’s policies. One audience member told the elder Bush she did not respect the President and what he’s doing in the world. The Associated Press reports Bush appeared stunned when most of the audience applauded in approval. Another questioner said US wars were waged to open markets for American corporations. Bush Sr. replied: "I think that's weird and it's nuts. To suggest that everything we do is because we're hungry for money, I think that's crazy."

That is money, people. Classic. I have got to find audio. What a fantastic early Christmas present!

First "the Internets," now...

Maggie snickers:
Okay, so we all love to say "the Internets," a Bush-ism that allows us to release our hidden inner elitist and Bush-bash at the same time. Now there's a new technology term out there, thanks again to our esteemed leader:

One of the things I've used on the Google is to pull up maps. It's very interesting to see that. I forgot the name of the program, but you get the satellite and you can -- like, I kind of like to look at the ranch on Google, reminds me of where I want to be sometimes.

He was responding to a broader question on how often he uses the Internet and e-mail.

Really, W? Don't use the Internets much, huh? Never would've guessed... Although I probably could've found that out myself by doing some research on the Google.

Albuquerque rocks

Maggie says:
In the span of one night, I:

• Found myself overwhelmingly surrounded by "Albuquerque's hottest singles"... only some of whom were hot, and many of whom were not exactly single
  
• Survived said event only because of the fabulous ladies who accompanied me
• Alternated between amusement and distaste at the nakedness of many local "hot" single women and the amount of hair products used by many "hot" single men
  
• Had a shockingly accurate and insightful tarot card reading
  
• Had a very Marilyn Monroe moment over a street grate with the girls
• Talked planning with one of my favorite local actors
• Jaw-dropped at a man with a falcon on his shoulder at Anodyne

Bad fashion and bad hair can happen anywhere, but I like to think that a falcon in a bar is only possible in Albuquerque.