This is Progress?

Mikaela says:
So everyone loves a Hummer, right?

Can't afford to pay $110,000, or perhaps you have a problem getting 10 miles to the gallon? Have no fear! You, too, can drive an outlandishly overweight scaled-down military vehicle! Woo hoo!

Introducing H3. Even the New York Times likes it! Of course, the article claims the drawback is that it's not quite AS BIG AS IT LOOKS, but hey, it's "in your price range" at a measley $30,000. Pocket change, people!

And the best thing about it? (Remember this is being written in New York, now, for a primarily New Yorker audience...) As opposed to the H1, in which "Everyone sits in a personal cubicle, isolated from fellow travelers by a center console as wide and long as a New Mexican mesa" the H3's "interior is far more intimate, but hardly claustrophobic. Because of the boxy design, space for heads, legs and shoulders is beyond ample and closer to ludicrous." Sounds like a reason to buy for me!!!

Still not convinced? What about being "taken back" to all those "good times" you had in Baghdad? Remember that waiter? What was his name again? "Personally, I was delighted to start the engine and hear the rushing of the fans, which reminded me of the combat version, the H.M.M.W.V. M1114, that I drove recently while reporting from Baghdad. While I took the noise as a reassuring sign that I was in a true Hummer, others might find the roar less endearing." Perhaps. Less endearing. Yes.

Go forth and buy: "Even with all those extras, the H3 carries a sticker price of about $36,000. Finally, then, here is a Hummer that not only fits in a garage, it may also fit in your budget." Finally! A hummer we can all get behind. Fuck the environment. Fuck the oil shortage. We'll just make more H1s -- with armor this time -- and invade more countries with oil if we run out.

Let the good times, roll, baby. At least, for other people. In a Hummer, no one rolls! That's the beauty. Ultimate stability. Come on! It's totally worth the cost -- to your wallet and to the world. Selfish? Americans? Hardly. Party on, dude.

From one long New Mexican mesa,

Hummer lover, signing out.